I went CD shopping with my mommy today, looking for used cheap cds.. so we went to Cheapo and Down in the Valley.. I picked up a new Lisa Loeb, Vivian Green and David Wilcox.. i'm so excited. I tend to pick my artists by their lyrics as opposed to a good beat or style... i wonder what percentage of people pick their music by lyrics.

since i can't pick just one of his songs to put on here, here are a few
bits and pieces of David Wilcox's lyrics ...

"Do you wish you could capture their beauty,
so that you could feel loved for an hour?
The power of being attractive,
or just the attraction of power?
See, sex and music are much the same,
we feel with hearts and skin
And what you are going to get out of them both
is just what you put in."

"Yes, you're bound to die, but you're made to fly
like that twist of wind and dust.
This precious chance to get this dance
to get to live this life and feel...
this time and place, amazing grace,
the spirit wind is real"

"Do you believe in signs that whisper inside your mind
'till you have to follow through,
leading you home again to someplace you've never
been? Well i feel that way for you"

"Just hold me close. A few words will do.
We dont' have to find the answers now,
it's enough to be with you"

i parted my hair to the left today, i usually do it to the right. is that what caused him to bring me dasies? probably not.
i am finding it increasingly difficult to be just a friend these days... could it be because i'm so darn gorgeous... (well okay, probably not...) so it must be by the way i act. perhaps my idea of love, my knowing that i love everyone, loving them for what they provide in my life, perhaps that is all mis-read by those around me. for love is one of those words, isn't it? the kind of word that's over-used, worn out, and can still mean a thousand things to a thousand people... maybe someday someone will understand what it means to me.

so, today was senior skip day. i arose alive and full of impulses... one of which was to pierce my nose. i've been thinking about it for a while, my pops advised against it a couple times, only because i was trying to switch jobs in the very near future... (did i mention that i have a job fair to attend through my college tomorrow? yeah yeah- good timing i know) becides, i'm not really looking for anything career oriented- any grunt job that pays well will do... i think my birth father is gonna have a cow, but he never understood me anyway.
anyways, as the day led on i officially declared senior skip day - body modification day... my friend has been wanting a tattoo for about a year- so we went to get her tattoo and i went and pierced my nose. i like my piercing better than i thought i would- i guess i was, and still am, a little nervous about the reactions of others- but it's not fair to myself to be second guessing who i am. it really is beautiful- just perfect, you should see it-
tee hee!

and I don't pretend to know what you know / no no / now please don't pretend to know what's on my mind / if we already knew / everything that everybody knows / we would have nothing to learn tonight / and we would have nothing to show tonight / oh but everybody thinks / that everybody knows / about everybody else / nobody knows / anything about themselves / cause their all worried about everybody else / yea / oh
jack johnson

did you know skin is all connected? from my ears, head, neck and shoulders to my hips, thighs, ankles and toes... you can trace my skin from the tip of my finger all the way down my arm past my brest just accross my rib cage to my waist and on to that soft strip just before my healthy hips- it's amazing, fascinating... and to think i always thought fabric was the link - just in the right places, the places no one was supposed to see, and that's why the fabric was there- but i know now i was wrong, now i know better... it's all connected- it's all beautiful- skin is beautiful -and meant to be shown... want to see?

words of wisdom all around but no one ever seems to listen
theyre talking about the plans on the paper building up from the pavement
the shadows of the scrapers on the pavment mmhmm
its enough to make me sigh but that dont seem like it will make it feel better
the words are all around, but the words are only sounds
and no one ever seems to listen
instead theyll say
"well how could we have known?"
ill tell them its really not so hard to tell no no no
you keep adding stones
so the water will, be lost in the well, lost in the well
jack johnson

natural naked movemet, swaying with the trees, breathing in the rain's sadness and strength these are the times when i am truly happy. i'm fascinated by nature, it's undefinted way. i'm in love with the idea that humans can't completely predict the weather- it's something we cant conquer. oh and how i melt at the thought of things growing on their own- we may know how they grow be we never know which way the limbs will reach out into the sky. how i'd love to be a rain storm when the forcast is sunshine, to have no comitments to those on earth. what i wouldn't give to let my limbs reach in whatever way so moved them. raw, natural movement.

"realationships aren't dependent on compatibility but how you deal with incompatability." -unknown

that last thing i posted i wrote last year. i was angry then... and ive been feeling angry lately... thanks to a kind spirit i was reminded today how much it matters to find balance and be aware of my energies.... "The feeling of guilt is a sign u have wrongfully taken too much of another's energy. A humble apology is simply giving back." mh, the taffyman

here it was coming, the awkward conversation, drilling guilt, i could feel it collecting in the room like saliva in the mouth just before you puke... so i arched my back and spat at them the garbage they'd been feeding me for years.

only when all those around you are different will you belong
-little man tate

loss is a gradual thing: and i guess i never really realize when everything is going, going, and eventually is gone. 'cause things drip away in moments. moments when i have to stop and take a breath because it's like i almost stopped exisiting for a moment. moments like when she'd wait to walk out to my car with me. moments when he'd press the ridges of his palms onto my deck door. moments when she'd call me first when there was a "boy crisis." moments when i'd hold my breath 'till i saw him walking down the hall spreading peace. moments when he and i would laugh at the customers ordering buffalo wings. having her around to watch Annie with me at least twice a month. moments when we'd just sit in the screen house breathing in unison. little things like that. but don't know whatcha got till its gone, right?

the clip clop of expensive shoes couldn't save the evenings shallow end. Prom, anticipated to be this elaborate and magical celebration is nothing but another night of lemonaide, cheese and flashing lights. there was dancing too- i love to dance. getting lost in the music.... it was the hightlight of my whole night. that, and my new car. especially when i was driving home.

i hope i don't wake up tomorrow.

chewing nervously on my finger tips i continue to burry myself in the fantasy of a dissapearing act. feeling the pain of fellow sufferers i begin to convince myself that maybe i am one among other peas. perhaps. or perhaps not.

graduation is in less than a month, college is in two months and two days. today my dad was barking at me to get a new job- and screaming about all the things i need to get done. like i don't know there are things to finish... it haunts me, maybe that's why i try not to think about them hoping they'll solve themselves. yeah i know better, but sometimes it's no fun being smart. at least then maybe my parents wouldn't expect so much of me-
well anyway- i'm just wasting time. putting aside other things i maybe could be doing. dad will be pissed. but i kinda don't have the energy to care. well, i'll stop wasting your time. peace.

the room is well dressed, complete with folded fabric napkins and golf-ball shaped butter. dinner is served right on time by three well dressed gentlemen. so people are driven to dust off their boxes of manners, open them and attempt to use the rusty 'please's and 'thank you's ... everyone even put a little extra effort into their wardrobe. ie: clevege and uncumfortable shoes.
tonight i gave away something i wanted to be really good at ...
but now it's all over
and i'm so fucking happy, i could cry

"She Will Be Loved"
MAROON 5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

my fingers wrap their tired callused ends around these acoustic strings, moving from one to the other as i dig inside myself to find the confidence needed to stretch my voice to your ears. listen to my love song. listen to my love.

well i was playing around with this blogger dealy- and didn't expect it to actually change the title- but it did... well- can't hurt to switch things up i suppose. eh well- here's to something different. cheers.

scribble.
Innocence written on the wall of your room of times when touching wasn't allowed- of times when your friend was the apple of my eye, and he was the ingredient in your pie of frusteration. We lie next to eachother now, under covers of secret love, next to that same wall of innocence past with love that has lasted beyond what we thought would come. and yet, we're just left to move on, to read those times, pass them through our minds, and write something new.